Category Archives: Europe

Public Display of Affection in Europe and India

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a young couple walking in Budapest

Public display of affection is something not seen at all in India. Actually its very strange here. The people who love each other are not supposed to show any physical intimacy in public whereas regular friends can hug each other, hold hands and sometimes kiss on cheeks. Holding hands and hugging is the most common act of physical intimacy seen in India amongst same sex person but it doesn’t mean that they are homosexuals. Its again very strange that homosexuals never want to hold hands, hug or kiss each other in public because homosexuality is very very hidden and homosexual people don’t want to express their sexuality. I have met so many Europeans and Americans who always thought that same sex people holdings hand of each other are homosexual because this is how it works in their world.

a middle aged couple in Vienna

Usually friends do such things and there is no idea making love behind it. If people see a couple kissing or hugging they want to watch it. Holding hands is kind of becoming common and is not kind of issue anymore in big Indian cities. Anyways, I have also grown up in the same culture where I never saw any act of physical intimacy in public. My city gets a lot of western people from all over the world who some time kiss and hug in public so at least people in my city have an idea about it. Every once in a while we see some crazy drunk westerner making love on the street. Making love doesn’t mean having sex but finding a westerner kissing or hugging is not something unknown to the people of Varanasi. Doesn’t matter whether they have seen it or not but they are very well aware of this culture.

an old couple in Vienna

I think that having sex or watching people having sex has always been one of the biggest attractions amongst us humans in our whole history. But the world has changed a lot within past a few decades. There are several countries and cultures where sex is discussed, is opened (doesn’t mean in public: in fact there are places where people can go in groups and have sex but is usually a group activity rather than a public activity), people have a choice and it is seen in a very different way than the it is seen in my culture and country. This idea of watching people making love or just seeing them in their undergarments is very exciting for Indians because we just don’t see such thing happening. And whenever we see someone in such condition, most of the time they are western people.

an old couple in Vienna

I am very well aware that a lot of people go to places like Goa in India just to watch western woman in bikinis. In fact, when I went to Goa first time in my life it was also to watch western girls in bikinis and find cheap alcohol. To be honest most of the woman I saw in Goa were old with ugly bodies:) Still when I see someone kissing on the street my eyes like to stop and watch it. But I usually try to avoid it because I don’t like to disturb people but my mind still talks with me about that picture while I am trying not to watch them. I think situation should be the same with most of the Indians, even the ones who try not to watch people kissing or making love. And I don’t really mind it because we just don’t see such thing happening and foreigners should also learn about these cultural issues before coming here and try to respect and be respected. But at the same time we can’t blame foreigners either because it is very important part of their culture.

a newly married couple in Buda

Anyways, I got to travel to Europe (Hungary, Austria and Slovakia) , in fact anywhere out of India for first time in my life a few weeks ago. Everything was different than what I was used to hence everything was a shock, in fact very interesting shock. I don’t want to discuss about all those things in this post but I would like to discuss the idea of the importance of physical intimacy and public display of affection. I had started seeing couples kissing, holding hands, sitting on the lap, caressing, nestling… as soon as I crossed the immigration area at Delhi airport. The most interesting thing was that very good percentage of Indians were also involved in such act who usually never do such thing in public.

a young couple in Vienna

It seemed like they had planned to do it as soon as they leave India but could not wait for the flight to land:) haha. Maybe they had not planned it together with their partners but they had planned it with themselves for sure. Experience make us feel comfortable and I could easily see that Indians were not comfortable doing what they wanted to and looked completely inexperienced. hahaha. I am sure that they did not want to do sex in public but they just did not know what they were doing. They didn’t seem comfortable even in touching each other but they were trying their best. I am not making fun of those people I saw at the airport but It was really funny and interesting both for a person like me to see them. Because I just don’t see such thing happening in my society by the locals and they had changed their as soon as they crossed immigration area at the airport.

even statues were making love

When I arrived in Europe I saw people kissing and hugging just everywhere even inside a church. They were very comfortable with it and it seemed like it was just not an issue at all. I saw people kissing in the train, at the crossings, shopping malls, restaurants, zoo…just everywhere. It seems like kissing is as important as meat to Europeans. I saw all aged people, literally as young as 14 years old kissing in public. Kissing seems very important to Europeans. Once I saw a young shop keeper smooching her boyfriend in front of the customer and the customer waiting for them to finish.

couples at Szimplakart pub in Budapest

I was very well aware about this culture in Europe years before I went there but I was still surprised when I saw it first and my first few days were shocking for me in terms of seeing people making love on the street. I think I had stopped noticing or watching it after a week or so but it was something which won’t go out of my mind soon. In fact once I was discussing this issue with my host Attila and told him about how I saw Indians involved in physical intimation in public at Delhi airport or in Hungary or other European countries I visited and Attila was so surprised and he asked me why Indians don’t do such things in India also if they like to do it.

men and women dancing together at a cultural event in Kesthai, Budapest

Attila had already spent more than an year and half living in India and he was very well aware of what I was talking about. I did not know how to make him understand but his question was very genuine that why don’t we do it if we like to do it? I knew the answer but it was hard for an European mind to understand. Sex is very very hidden in India, even talking about it with parents and unknown people is something which just doesn’t happen. Everyone does sex but they don’t want to talk about it. I have met so many people, to be honest all of the people all I meet, who find such sexual acts like cunnilingus and several other sex positions very exciting but they never want to admit that they do it with their partners and always relate with something coming from the western world which is very dirty, disgusting and unnatural. haha

temple art in Khajuraho, India

I am sure that everyone does it but they just don’t admit, even when they are talking with their friends. It is again very interesting for me to see why people relate such sexual acts with western world when all of them are mentioned in Kamasutra or if they are present on the temples of Khajuraho and several others all over India. I think we were practicing all of those acts way before western people started talking about it, at least it was very open part of the society thousands of years before the first sex museum was opened in the world or anyone ever tried to document sex in this whole world. Anyways, my issue is about present India so I should about present.

A young couple in Bratislava, Slovakia

I just mean to say that sex is a very very hidden act in India which is one of the reason why we don’t see public display of affection in India. The second biggest reason behind this issue is the safety of woman in India, woman rights issues and in fact safety of couples also who dare to show physical intimacy in public. It was hard for Attila to understand why someone could be upset by watching others kissing but I understand it very well. Anyways, Attila only seemed upset and I could not satisfy him with my answers. The world knows how Shiv Sena was targeting people celebrating Valentines Day in India. If we try to learn how they were protesting against the festival then we can see that they were not actually looking for people celebrating the festival but mostly they were targeting the couples.

In fact kissing is seen as a form of greeting also in western culture. Men are kissing each other in a wedding part for greeting.

They wanted to beat the couples who were found together watching cinema, hanging around in the park or other public places. So it clearly means that they were protesting against the people and not the festival itself. And I know it very well that the all the people who were protesting against the festival either had a partner whom they went out with to celebrate festival the same day or definitely they wanted to have someone. And I personally know so many people from my own city, who were part of the Shiv Sena and were targeting people celebrating the festival, now are either married with the someone whom they loved or they have girlfriend.

a view of Rajdari waterfall from Devdari

Only after a week after I returned from Europe I went to visit a water fall 50 KMs from Varanasi called Raj Dari. This water fall is a very famous picnic spot for people living in Varanasi and nearby districts and hundreds of people visit the fall on Sundays during rainy season. I was there to find rock paintings and to watch people. The whole region of Chandauli district has several sites with ancient rock paintings and tree fossils which are said to be around 1400 million years old. While I was looking for ancient rock paintings I heard a group of people shouting which made me look at them

Couples bathing together in public is no problem in Europe

It was a group of like 15-20 men, all different aged, mostly young who were taking a bath. A young girl who was wearing Punjabi suit was also taking a bath hardly 20 meters away from them. She was with her boy friend and wearing Punjabi suit mean her whole body was covered with cloth. That group of 15 men was taunting at her. They were calling her with the name black panty. And they were doing it repeatedly in front of hundreds of other people who were there. They were taunting such things like- call us also, we are also very good…

usual scene at bathing places in Europe

The couple was doing nothing other than taking a bath, even they were not kissing or doing anything which can be considered as a sexual act. Her dress was also not different than bathing dress of woman in India. I am 100% sure that it happened with her only because she was with her boyfriend. Most probably such thing would have not happened with her if she was with her parents. It happens with woman even when they are with their families as well but it is more likely to face such situation when they are with their boyfriends. The girl was so nervous and uncomfortable with the situation that she came out of the water and walked away from there.

Even when she was walking away another group also joined and they all started taunting at her with vulgar languages. I know that such things are less likely to happen in big cities and one of the biggest reason behind why such happened is because those people were locals and there was no security at all. But the question that raised in my mind was-

  • Does a girl need security if she wants to take a bath at a water fall?
  • Are couples not allowed to be together?
  • What do such people think about the the couples who kiss or hug, do the think that the girl wants to be kissed and hugged by just anyone on the street or do they think that she is a slut?
  • What about freedom to express your feelings?
  • What about constitution of India which allows us to choose our life partner?
  • What about constitution of us human beings which allows us to live and let others live?

a couple in Bratislava, Slovakia

There are thousands of questions but its very sad that because of such practices we just don’t have any answer for them. The bitter truth is that if we try to study the mentality of such people then we find out that if they see a girl doing anything which can be considers a sexual act, even kissing or hugging, the girl is immediately thought to be a slut who is wanting such thing to be done with herself by just anyone. In small Indian cities and villages If a girl is found in relationship with anyone boy then people talk about it and now the whole neighborhood wants to try that girl out.

I don’t know what is right or wrong but it was really upsetting for me to see how that girl was being taunted and abused only because she was with her boyfriend. The radical and nationalist groups in India relate such things with something coming from the western world and we should not allow such things because it is against Indian culture. But I think we as a human have a human culture before we get into any particular country’s culture. Love, hate, emotions, feelings are natural human behavior and it just can’t be stopped. And in any case if something hurts us then we should try to control ourselves first and then think about others.

I still don’t know whether my Indian system is better than what I saw in Europe or not but one thing is very sure that woman are living in very tough condition in India. If we just look at this data it can easily tell the story about woman in India. But one thing I would like say for sure that whatever I saw in Europe looked really lovely and I saw Indians also enjoying it in Europe and missing in their own country. Jai Hind. I got a funny picture online which shows the difference I am trying to talk about-

Europian food for Indian tounge and belly

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food at a Turkish restaurant in Budapest

My God, I had serious problem with food in Europe (Hungary, Austria and Slovakia). It was first time in my life when I went out of India and everything was a huge shock for me including food. I had asked my host, Dora and Attila, several times before leaving India about the food for me and they always told me that there won’t be any problem at all. In fact I was planning to carry some Indian spices with me but when I saw that Attila and Dora were so confident about availability of food me in Hungary then I just decided to leave everything on them. I had no idea what I was going to eat in Europe before I left.

Hungarian food

I arrived in Hungary in the evening time around 7. My host took me for a walk and then to a restaurant. I was provided the menu and I looked at it but I just did not know any food at all. I asked my hosts to choose any vegetarian food for me and they told me about a few dishes that there were vegetarian but still I had no idea. So finally I just left everything on them and they ordered something for me. The waitstaff brought the food and it looked very beautifully decorated with fresh leaves. It looked very hygienic and healthy but still I was not getting that feeling of excitement.  The look of the meal was not so attractive to make my mouth water.

vegan food

I think it happened only because of the color and smell of the food. The color of Indian food is usually either red, brown or something bright. You see the gravy, spices, chillies…The only food I think of with its natural color is the plain rice. Whereas my first European food looked very very plain with its natural color. It felt like I was going to eat something raw, uncooked or half cooked. The smell was also so different that it just didn’t feel like food at all. Anyways, I tested it and it had this really super strange taste that only after two bites I exchanged my food with my host’s food but it was also the same.

They sell 1 Samosa for Rs. 75

I tried to eat salad but it was mixed with vinegar and mustard sauce which was again something that I could not eat. Finally I ate a little bit of french fries from my host’s food. Anyways, I finished my dinner with half empty stomach. I didn’t take my first meal very seriously and I had a hope that I would find something the next day. We went for the lunch next day and again I did not have any option at all. I was having more problem because I am a vegetarian. Europeans eat meat all the time, even in their breakfast. You can buy meat just anywhere, even at a supermarket or a grocery store. So you can smell the meat everywhere. And another important thing is that they don’t mix many spices as we do in India so you actually very strange smell of meat. I think the smell was more of the meat whereas in India the smell is mixed of spices and meat.

Kheer for Rs. 100

I don’t mind if anybody is eating meat in front of me but I was having a little bit of problem because of the smell. Anyways, it was not a big issue. My second meal was also something that I could not eat and ended up eating french fries with ketchup. My hosts tried their best to get me some European food that I liked but unfortunately European food was not for me. In fact once they took me to a vegan restaurant but I still did not like their as they also used vinegar, mustard sauce and raw garlic sauce in the food. I was not going to any regular restaurant at all, they were taking me to the best options possible but I could not eat anything.

Bombay Express

Finally after my fourth meal at the vegan restaurant I got stomach ache and diarrhea and it happened not because of the quality of the food was bad or something but just because of my stomach and tongue were not liking the food at all and by this time it was just too much. My body just wanted to get rid of the food I had eaten. I did not have any fever and the diarrhea also did not stay long which clearly mean that the quality of food was good but my body didn’t like it at all. My hosts were asking me to just try different options and see if I like anything. They told me if I did not like anything then I just did not need to eat it but I never felt doing it because I did not want to waste their money.

Indian spices

After seeing me struggling with food, my  hosts also gave up and they took me to an Indian restaurant called Bombay Express in Budapest. Bombay Express was a huge relief for me. I did not eat anything there but I bought Indian spices. They were selling a lot of Indian products like Lijjat Papad, MDH Kitchen King, Chaat Masala, pickles and several other things that we usually eat in India. I was so happy to have found spices and bought Kitchen King and Chaat Masala because I had kitchen available at my host’s place. We went back home and I cooked my own food which was like finding refrigerated water in the desert of Sahara:) I just took all the vegetables possible at home, cooked them with Kitchen King and ate with rice.

Paprika

Something really funny happened is that I needed some chillies and asked my hosts if they had any chillies at home. They gave a special kind of chilly called Paprika which is the native chilly of Hungary. They told me that it was so hot and I should not treat it as Indian chilly. But at first I thought that Europeans don’t eat chillies so he just did not have any idea about how much chillies do we use in India. Attila had suggested me to use only one chilly but I used four because I was confident that I would be able to eat it without any problem but I was seriously wrong. The chilly was so hot that mouth was burning when I ate my food:) Paprika had a spark in it which one can easily feel. Anyways, since I was so hungry I just did not care about anything and finished my food. I won’t forget paprika at all.

Menu at Bombay Express

So this is how I survived by cooking my own food at home. And whenever I went out I would either carry my own food or I just ate some french fries with a bottle of beer. But I made sure that I was carrying my both spices – Kitchen King and Chaat Masala along with ketchup. I thought a lot about why I was not able to eat the food my host and other Hungarians were able to eat and I discussed about this issue several times with Attila and Dora also. Sometimes I was so  upset that I was kind on angry but then I thought that I was not in Europe to enjoy the food.

Food at Bombay Express

And if I could not eat the food others were able to eat then it was my problem. I work with foreigners from all over the world and I go with them to restaurants and I see them liking Indian food. They always tell that Indian food is very good. The only problem they usually have in India is with the chillies otherwise they appreciate our food but I did not understand I being an Indian and others I know who have been to Europe did not like their food at all. I talked about this food issue with several other people who had been to Europe and they all had same experience like me.

At one moment I thought that it was because Indian food has better taste than European food which now I feel like is not the truth. Europeans and Americans can eat our food and appreciate it only because they have a lot of options available in their country and they grow up eating different kind of food from all over the world. My first guest after I returned to India told me that they cook Indian food every once in week at home in Oxford. And now when I think about other people I meet they also tell me the same thing. They either cook different food or they go to different restaurants where they have got a lot of options.

Whereas in India we usually eat only and only Indian food and even the foreign food we have is cooked with Chaat Masala or something Indian. So their tongue, stomach and mind is opened for different kind of food. They have an idea about how their food would taste like hence they can enjoy the food. But with a person like I just did not have any idea about what I was going to eat. I feel that most of the Indians will have the same problem like me and it is only because of our limited orientation of mind about food. I would like to make a few recommendations for Vegetarian Indians like me who are going to travel in Europe about food-

  • Try to find an Indian restaurant (But it doesn’t mean that you will find Indian taste because they cook for their people and food taste a bit different. But it could be a huge relief)
  • Check if there is any option of cooking the food at the hotel.
  • Carry at least Sabji Masala, Kitchen King, Chaat Masala (for sure) and ketchup. Chaat Masala is ready to eat and you can change the taste of any food and give it an Indian feeling:)
  • Try to find Corn (Maize). Because you can always find hot water and boil it if nothing is available.
  • Pizza and Pasta is always a good option because we eat them in India but again their pizza doesn’t taste like the one we have got in India.
  • French Fries with Beer (Life Saver)
  • Different kind of breads with cheese, butter, eggs.
  • If you like coffee then you will love Europe as they have got real coffee and they know how to make it.
  • If you are going to be in Hungary then don’t play with their Paprika (the red chillies), believe me its seriously hot.
  • And after all if food really matters a lot, the most important thing for you, then just don’t go to Europe:) haha

I hope this post will help you. Feel free to write me if want to have any suggestions about food in Europe.

Europe visa approved

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Finding any category of visa to any developed nation has always been a huge problem for us Indians. In fact once I had applied for an American tourist visa and it was also denied because they thought that my economical relations with India was not strong enough to prove that I will be coming back after the trip and it happened only 2-3 years ago. This time I got an opportunity to visit Europe. I was invited to Hungary by a friend of mine, Attila, who started an education program for poor kids in Varanasi with my help. Other than Hungary Attila had planned a trip to Slovakia and Austria as well. I did not need to get separate visa for all three different countries because they are all part of Schengen countries and only one visa for Schengen area was enough for me.

I had so many invitation letters sent by my American friends when they wanted to invite me to the US and all of those letters were written on just plain paper but they had provided their residence and income proof with a covering letter stating that they will be taking care of me while I will be in the US but still my visa was denied. Attila did something different. He went to concerned government office in Budapest and wrote an invitation letter through them and sent it to me. The letter looked very professional, it had signature of Attila and some government officer. Other than this it had some basic information about Attila and me also.

I went to Delhi with all the supporting documents, in fact I carried whatever I had. All the certificates, residence proof, income proof and other documents. Now Hungarian embassy also works with VFS for visa document verification which was not the case only until a few months ago. So I went to VFS office instead of Hungarian embassy to apply for my visa. It was kind of confusing place but luckily I found it. The office was located at International Business Center next to Nehru Place metro station. This building had several different VFS offices working for different countries.

For popular destinations they had different rooms but for a place like Hungary, France, Italy, Switzerland they had only different counters in one room. I went to the counter for Hungary and as I was expecting there were not many people in the line because not many people go to Hungary. In fact Hungarian counter was working for France:) Anyways, the staffs were helpful. They checked all of my documents, charged me the visa fee, VFS service fee and that’s all. But they did not have any information about when I will be called for the interview. They just asked me to go back to Varanasi and wait for the phone call.

I asked him to just to give me a clue and said that it was jut not possible at all for him to make any guess. It could take any time up to 15 days. I decided to stay somewhere close to Delhi hence went traveling to Haridwar, Rishikesh and Dehradoon. I was expecting to get a call within next two-three days because Hungarian embassy doesn’t process so many visa applications. But I was not right at all, they called me on the 6th day after applying and asked me to come to the Hungarian embassy a week after which was on the 12 day after applying for visa.

Another interesting thing was that they asked me to bring the evidence of contract which I did not understand. They were asking me to bring photographs of Attila working with me, traveling in India, doing anything…they just wanted to see the proof of my relations with him. I had so many pics so that was not an issue at all. I returned back to Varanasi stayed here for a few days and then went back to Delhi again for interview. I arrived at the embassy on time but the counselor was late by 20 minutes. The counselor was just like the counselor I had met at the American embassy two years ago- she was nothing but a robot.

She would ask me questions and write about it on a piece of paper, then ask another questions, that’s all. She asked me for the pics but did not even look at it. It seemed like she was the busiest person in the world. She just did not want to talk with me. haha. To be honest American counselor was more like trying to read my mind, he was playing with my answer but this lady was only interested in asking questions and writing down my answers. Her questions were very interesting. The best one I liked was if I knew the last name of Attila and his wife. Luckily I knew their last name so it was no problem. After all these questions she showed interest in keeping my original documents for verification.

She took my income tax return document along with tour guide training certificate. She told me that I will be informed once they have made any decision. I got a call by VFS after a week or so that my passport was ready at the VFS center in New Delhi. But I was already in Varanasi by this time so sent an authorization letter to my brother to collect the passport on my behalf. He collected the passport and saw that visa was approved. They issued visa for Schengen countries which meant visa for 26 countries. Nothing was so complicated but I won’t say that anything was easy at all.

I had to go to Delhi at first and then nobody knew how long would it take for interview after applying for visa at the VFS, I was just wandering around here and there spending all of my money, and when they called me for the interview it was after a week. Anyways, I am not really upset with anything but I think such things could be easily avoided if they want. They just need to book an appointment right away for the interview or take maximum of one day because the passport and application is sent the same day to the embassy from VFS office. If they could have informed me the date of the interview even the next day then I would have saved at least Rs. 25,000 which I spent just traveling here and there near to Delhi.