A Journalist burnt alive, is there any freedom of expression in Uttar Pradesh?

What could be worse punishment for writing against a minister in Uttar Pradesh? Must not be anything because constitution of India gives us freedom of speech and expression but Uttar Pradesh Minister of Dairy Development Mr. Rammutri Verma hated it so much that he ordered the local police to set Mr. Jagendra Singh, a journalist from Saharanpur, on fire and kill him only because he wrote against him on his personal facebook page. Policing, bad governance and vandalism of ministers and ruling party members is nothing new for Uttar Pradesh but situation becomes worse as soon as Samajwadi Party comes in power. The whole party is full of bullshit, the only thing they do is caste and religion based politics to stay in power somehow.

The chief minister of Uttar Pradesh Mr. Akhilesh Yadav distributes free laptops but his own website is still under construction even after his three years in office. His father and chairperson of Samajwadi Party Mr. Mulayam Singh Yadav claims that women are super safe under his party’s rule but when asked about rapes he says that “boys are boys and they make mistakes sometimes” . These are the people who are ruling the state so I never hope for anything else from them but situation seems really horrible when we hear about incidents like Mr. Singh’s murder and it becomes more horrible when such criminals are not even arrested. What was his fault? Media was pressurizing the Samajwadi Party to take action against the minister but they wanted to prove it as a suicide whereas Mr. Singh’s statement was recorded on camera while he was dying in this hospital. Here is his statement-

He clearly says in the video that Police came and they first started to beat him asking why does he write against the Minister Verma and finally burnt him up. Even after this statement the Samajwadi Party never admitted that their Minister and Police was involved in this murder. In fact his son also explained the whole thing on TV, his son also said that now he was getting threats from the Minister, they were also offering him money but the administration did not take any action against Minister Verma, they did not even register any Police complaint against him. Finally they just suspended two Policemen and that’s all. I know that people of Uttar Pradesh have made a huge mistake by choosing such criminals to run the state but I do have a hope that they will take revenge of all the sins Samajwadis have been doing in 2017 when we have our next elections. Jai Hind.

Rapes and women rights in India

Woman rights have always been a very issue in India ever since it was affected by invaders. And now the situation has become worse. If we look at India before invaders came, we see that India was a very liberal society with woman and men both having equal rights. But as soon as invaders came, they changed Indian society completely. They implemented so many rules to keep women behind curtain which kind of separated them from the society and caused serious discrimination against them and now these practices have become part of life in India. I travel a lot across India and as a person interested in human behavior, I try never to miss any opportunity of talking with people, doesn’t matter what subject.
Every once in a while I encounter in such conversations where people are talking about girls and just listening to them gives me a sense about how do they see woman, even who are their family. People react in seriously strange way when talking about woman. Three of my friends have daughters and I still remember that when I spoke to them first time after their baby was born, all of them told me somehow the same thing that were happy EVEN if the baby was a girl. I mean if someone becomes a parent then naturally they are happy and there is no need of mentioning whether they got a girl or boy. I could easily see that they were so happy, just as any new parent, but at the same time they were depressed also. There was definitely something missing out of their happiness.

The compliments of others who came to visit the baby at the hospitals were also very strange. They would come and ask if it was a male or female baby and as soon as they heard that it was a female baby, they would go like : Oh, but its not a problem, now the world has changed and girls are also doing so many nice things. These kind of compliments easily showed that the people already had an idea in their mind that the parents were not so happy. Noticing such behavior raise serious question of gender issues in India. We heard about Damini rape case in December last year and I noticed how big news it had become. Everyone was talking about it, people were protesting on the streets, media had nothing else to talk about other than this rape case, our politicians got a news subject to talk about : the party in power was promising some serious step and the opposition party also got an issue to make the other party look down.

I was wondering why everyone was so serious about this particular case when such things have been happening and will happen, because I don’t have any hope from the government at all and police is cent-percent corrupt, in future as well??? What about other Daminis who were also raped and murdered in the past? There has not been a single day ever since Damini was raped when some other girl was not raped in such or worse condition somewhere in India, including several in Delhi itself. It is my daily routine to read newspaper as soon as I wake up and I never find my newspaper not talking about some rape case somewhere in India. Reports are same more or less everyday that a girl was raped and thrown somewhere in either half naked or fully nude condition:  when family went to the police asking them to register a complaint police did not register the complaint: but when media got involved, police registered the complaint: ministers also promised something etc.

I have read several articles saying police itself raped someone inside the police station. I also read an article about a 40 years old woman who was raped by 3 men. When she went to the police station, the Police did not register her complain. When media heard about the issue and contacted to the SSP (Senior Superintendent of Police), the SSP himself said on camera that this woman was lying. She was too old get raped. In fact he asked media why someone would rape her if she is already over 40??? I was like what the hell is this? We all know it very well that it is very complicated for a person to get their complain registered and police does it all the time because once they register the complain they have to solve it also and Police never have time to solve any problem, they are always busy either relaxing, making fake reports, taking bribe or planning to torture someone without any reason but having such kind of excuse from a very responsible and senior police officer??? Later the SSP was suspended but I know that he will be back soon.

Last year an IAS officer tried to rape a 16 year old girl on a running train. Under pressure of other people traveling on the train, police had to register a complain but the very next day media reported that several ministers and other big officers either went to the police station or made a phone call asking police to take the complain back. But since the issue had already been noticed by media, police could not do anything and case was still going on. Finally last week I read another article in the news paper saying that the District Magistrate case was closed in the lack of evidence. The District Magistrate never spent a night in the prison and the case was also finalized only within a few months otherwise India has got most number of legal cases pending in the whole world and usually it takes years for a case to get finalized.

Another horrible case, I would say the worse one is of Sonali Mukharjee, a girl from Dhanbad, Jharkhand (Previously was part of Bihar state). Three boys from her neighborhood attacked her with acid while she was sleeping on her roof top in 2003 and the boys who attacked her are out of prison having fun or planning to attack another Sonali and no one talks about her. The only mistake Sonali did that she refused love proposal of a boy and that’s all. He attacked her with his two other friends and threw acid on her face. Sonali’s story is that she belonged to a poor family. Her father was a security guard at some residential building which means not more than Rs. 5-6000 of income per month. Her mother was a house wife and she had a younger sister as well.

Sonali was so smart in studies that her school had given her life-long scholarship, she was so popular in her school and her parents were so proud their daughter. She was also a National Cadet Corps cadet. In 2003, almost one and half months prior to the incident, three alleged assailants – Tapas Mitra, and his two friends Sanjay Paswan and Bhrahmadev Hajra – told her that she was a Ghamandi (arrogant) person and they would teach her a lesson. Her father later complained to the families of the three men. On 22 April, when she was asleep on the roof of her house, she was attacked with acid and left with a burnt face and other severe injuries. Her sister was also injured in the incident. She was studying sociology honours in a Dhanbad women’s college and also juggling a job with a private firm when the horrific incident occurred.

Miss Mukherjee and her family were then forced to abandon their home in Dhanbad, and her mother slipped into depression. Her father Chandi Das Mukherjee said, ‘We appealed in the high court… Nothing happened. They were sent to jail but were released soon after… Now they are busy enjoying their lives.”The law against acid attackers needs to be made tougher. Otherwise we will have many more Sonalis. Police sources said that the victim and her family members are afraid since two of her attackers, Tapas Mitra and Sanjay Paswan, were released on bail six years ago. The third accused Brahmadev Hajra was let off as he was a juvenile at the time of crime. She also pleaded with the Indian authorities to help her find justice, or else allow her to die.

A report about Sonali asking for either justice or mercy killing:

Sonali appealing people to help her by signing a petition

After all these things Sonali never got justice and the criminals are enjoying their lives, maybe planning to attack another Sonali. I just don’t understand all these craziness and in fact it is increasing. More and more girls are raped everyday and different people have different opinion about it. I have talked with several people on this issue and most of them, over 90%, blame girl’s dressing and modern life style. Many people also blame poverty, illiteracy and even Internet. Neither of these sound genuine cause to me. If its girls dressing or modern life style which motivates people to rape them then what about that 5 years old girl who was raped brutally in Delhi and so many like her are raped every day in our society. We heard about her only because media paid attention otherwise I can guarantee that so many other kids are raped everyday but we never hear about them.

I have also heard of so many cases which took place in rich and highly educated families which clearly shows that this problem is not limited amongst poor or illiterate class. I went through a very interesting conversation about Damini rape case in January when I was traveling on a train from Pune to Varanasi. I was in non AC sleeper class which is mostly used by lower middle class families. All of the people around me where from Bihar who were working in Pune and now going back home on vacations. I heard them talking about how do they find people living in Pune so different than the people living in Bihar. They were saying that all of the young people of Pune waste their whole time with their partners because the parents have got a lot of money and kids don’t care about their future at all.

They were also saying that they see young couples kissing in public spaces or showing other form of PDAs which cause frustration amongst the people like themselves who come from other cities or states where they never see such thing happening. They said that Damini was also raped because of such reason. The people who raped her came from Bihar, and as per the people sitting on the train, it was not their fault that they raped Damini but it was Damini’s fault that she was out with her friends in midnight watching a movie. They were saying that the people who move to big cities to work always leave their wives back at home. And if they see such activities like kissing or something else then they also feel like having sex and since their wives are home, either they have quit their job to go back home or find someone in city where they are at that moment.

And definitely nobody would quit the job, instead rape someone in the city. It was a horrible communication but at the same time it showed the mind set of such people. PDAs is serious issue in India. I know that everyone wants to do it but they don’t because of the local culture. But its becoming more and more common which means more and more people are upset with it. I have heard several incidents when a couple was beaten only because they were found kissing. There is a park very close to my place and it has become kind of love nest amongst young people of my city. I know so many people living around the park area who say that every evening they hide somewhere behind the trees trying to find a couple kissing or doing something else and if anyone is found then they either throw stones at them or just jump in between and say that they also want to kiss the girl or just chase them away and later disturb the girl.

I have noticed if people find a couple kissing then they thinking that the girl wants to be kissed, just by anyone and hence they also deserve a kiss. I used to go sit behind the park every night with my friends, have some beer and enjoy the quietness. I noticed certain people who would come every day with a flash light and try to look everyone sitting here and there. It was a very strange thing to see same people every day and once I asked my friends from that neighborhood about those people and they said that these people basically try to find couples kissing or having sex. And if any couple is found doing anything other than talking then problem for them. These people threaten the couples and in some cases beat the boy, kick him out and then have sex with the girl. I have talked with so many people about what do they think about a couple kissing in a park or just at any other public space and most of them have really strange ideas.

I was once talking with one of my friends, who is my age and is a software engineer and he said that if a couple is beaten because they were found kissing in public then there is nothing wrong with it. He thinks that public places are open for all aged people and kissing is something very very sexual and private. In fact he  asked me how would I react if I see a couple kissing in a park where I am present with my family. I don’t know what would I do, most probably just not pay attention to them and let them enjoy their private moment. I have no idea what is the reason behind all these problems but rapes have made the situation worse and it seems like its not going to change soon. But if I have to make a guess about my society, I would say it’s the Police, government of India, late and corrupt judiciary, some cultural problems and regular sick mind which is causing all these problems.

Police is 100% corrupt and they never want to register complaints because if they register a case then it becomes their responsibility to clear it and in any case any Indian police officer can be bought by offering some money. Corruption in police has caused serious problems in India. I feel like Police is somehow responsible for all of the problems we have in India. Late judiciary is also a very big problem in India which basically somehow motivates people to do crime. People know that if the go to a court then it will take 30-40 years for so called judgment to come. And in any case there is always a way : after district court, its high court : after high court, its supreme court : after supreme court, it’s the parliament and after parliament it’s the president where one can appeal. I know several people who were able to get the hearing delayed just by offering a few hundred rupees as a bribe.

Government also makes so many promises but never does anything. All of the political parties do politics in the name of caste, religion and region. They have nothing to do with development, education or any other issue that we are facing. I think that governments can do anything if they are committed to make a change but they don’t have any interest in such issues. Nature is dying, crime has increased, poverty is increasing, inflation is on top, scams are the biggest in the world…but government has no time to think about these serious issues. They are always busy in talking bullshit and doing scams.  India has so many problems coming from its culture. For an example, the problem of hierarchy on the basis of somebody’s caste or wealth. People evaluate themselves by their caste and literally talk about it in their regular conversations.

I know many people who belong to Kshatriya caste and they always say that they have politics in their blood, they are always the best fighters because they belong to Kashtriya caste…although they are really stupid. The male dominant culture in India is also causing such problem like discrimination and violence against women. I find present India really weird because woman power is worshiped by worshiping Goddesses when they are dead statues but real woman are raped so brutally that it becomes an International news. India, particularly Hindus, have a great concept of respecting woman. In fact the term used for women is Shakti which means power but I don’t know where all these concepts are lost? Female infanticide, depressed woman, violence and discrimination… after looking at the present condition of woman in India, it doesn’t seem like there is any concept of worshiping Goddesses or respecting Goddess power at all.

I am upset, India is upset, Mother India is crying and we need to change the situation. Lets pray that India gets its glory again and we become a really great nation where there is no discrimination against anyone….

A painting at Assi ghat

A painting at Assi ghat

beggars in India

I worked with an anthropology student named Sophia from University of Berlin. I had already worked with her before a few years ago and it was my second time of work with her. This time she was not working for her university but for a big private publication company in Germany. She just wanted to interview different kind of people and listen to their stories. We met several different kinds of people but most striking news came out of the beggar community living in Varanasi. I had a shop few years ago near to Dashashwamedh Ghat in Varanasi and I knew that there was a group of beggars living near to Dashashwamedh Ghat so I took Sophia there.

I had already heard some crazy stories about beggars living there but had no idea how serious the condition was. They told us so many things but the worse story was about their sexual harassment by local people. We interviewed an old woman who told us that she was raped several times by a local bully who comes to them every night and rapes whoever he wants. There were several girls and all aged women living there and many of them said that this person rapes really young girls who are just 14-15 years old.

They went to the police several times but the police never entertains their complaint only because they are poor and they don’t have any connection in politics. A chai shop keeper who had a shop near to the place where this community lives also said confirmed it. When I asked him why locals don’t take any action against this person, he said that he is a big criminal and nobody can do anything, not even police. He also said that he comes almost every night, chooses any girl or woman he wants and take them away with himself. He doesn’t even take the girls at his home but he rapes just somewhere on the road.

I was shocked to hear all these things happening openly in my society. I just did not know what to do with poor beggars. They also talked about corruption in government policies for them. They said that Government of Uttar Pradesh also has a program for rehabilitation of beggars in Uttar Pradesh but there is so much corruption involved in it and beggars are not benefited by it at all. They talked about a housing program where government is providing free housing to the beggars but government officers ask for bribe in order to provide them a house which is built for them and which is supposed to be free of cost.

They said that government is asking for a lot of documents including local residential proof which sounds hilarious to me. How come a beggar can have a residential proof? They live on the road! This idea of asking for residential proof and other documents seemed really stupid to me. I was thinking about these corrupt government officers who don’t forgive even the beggars. They are begging from the beggars which means that they are bigger beggars. There is a saying in Hindi चोर के घर चोरी Chor ke ghar chori (stealing in thieves home) and now we need to start another saying- भिखमंगा से भिखमंगई Bhikhmanga se Bhikhmangai (begging from beggars).

Varanasi bomb blast

Dashashwamedh Ghat

affected area

Again something happened which I never like to hear about. Varanasi faced another bomb blast at Dashashwamedh Ghat during Ganga aarti. My profession brings me to this place at least 15 times a month but luckily I was there today hence I am in good enough condition to write this post but I am really sad for those people who are affected by it. The central government of India, the UP state government and media also is hiding the fact about the real number of victims. I have seen at least 10 ambulances full of injured people passing by my neighborhood but media and government says that only 20 people are injured and 1 girl died.

Empty ghats

empty ghats

The ambulances I saw were going to BHU only and I know that there are at least three more hospitals treating the victims so I am sure that the real number is at least over 100. I don’t have any words to express my feelings but enough is enough now. Indian Mujahideen which used to be a Muslim students organization in India called SIMI is taking responsibility of this attack. But I think Indian government, Indian police and our intelligence department is more responsible for it. I was surprised and sad both to hear the comment by Indian prime minister, Sonia Gandhi and UP police. The Indian prime minister and Sonia Gandhi are appealing people to be calm and UP police’s comment is that it was a terrorist attack.

Sad faces

Sad faces

The whole India knows that it was a terrorist attack and they don’t need to inform us about it but unfortunately this is what we hear all the time. But enough is enough and really need to do something. I can’t really do anything alone just by writing a post here on my blog but I want appeal to all those people who are reading my blog to come and unite against Indian police, our corrupt government, our intelligence department and terrorists. Think several times before voting and every time a policemen asks you for a bribe or if you ever see anything illegal happening, please document it and publish it somewhere so that we can raise awareness about it.  I am really sad and angry.

Sheeta temple near bomb blast place

Sheetla temple near bomb blast place

Bomb blast place

Security for VVIPs visiting the afftected area

Security for VVIPs visiting the afftected area

Road cleaning for VVIPs

Road cleaning for VVIPs

The whole city was closed in the protest against the bomb blast

The whole city was closed in the protest against the bomb blast

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Injured man refused hospital admission

Yesterday I saw something inhuman crazy activity in BHU. I have already had so many bad experiences with BHU and what I saw yesterday really shocked me. I went to IMS (Institute of Medical Sciences) at BHU yesterday. After parking my bike I saw a bunch of people standing together near the main gate of IMS building which looked unusual because the security there doesn’t allow public gathering. I also went to see what was happening there and found that there was an injured fainted person, very close to death, was lying down on the ground.

He had injuries on his face and maybe he had epilepsy attack also. I heard people saying that somebody had beaten him. There were at least ten people standing around him but nobody wanted to take him to the hospital. They said that they had informed the police and when police comes then they would take care of him. Since IMS is medicine studies center, a lot of doctors were going in and coming out of the building. They also saw him but did not show any interest in helping this person. All of this was going on in the premises of one of the best medical colleges in India and very well known all over the world.

Finally police came, asked the people what had happened to him but they also did not seem interested in helping. They sat on a bike just next to this person and were talking about something of their interest. They were laughing and seemed like not concerned at all about this injured person who seemed very close to death to me. Finally after a few minutes one policeman came and started asking this person to wake up and go out of the IMS premises. They were hitting him slowly by their foot, they dragged him on road hoping that he would wake up but it was impossible.

Finally police left without doing anything. I was like what the hell is this? Somebody needed urgent medical assistance but nothing happened even he was inside the premises of the one of the best medical colleges of India. Doctors saw him, the police saw him, many other people saw him but nobody helped. Finally I saw two students coming with a first aid box but they were not doctors and this person needed more than first aid box. They said that they would also inform the police because it was not safe for them to help this person without informing the police.

They said that this person was a thief and was trying to steal something from IMS building hence it was not safe for them to help this person. I understand them because I know how crazy our police is but what about those doctors or the policemen who came to see him? It was really cruel. Doesn’t matter whether he was a thief or what but he was dying. We are spending Rs. 8,00,500 per day to keep Ajmal Kasab in our jail who had killed hundreds of people at Taj but not even general medical assistance to this person only because he was a thief ? I was really socked to see this crazy behavior of police and the doctors. I have no words to explain that cruelty.

Banaras Hindu University Hospital cancer treatment for Prabhu

My friend, Prabhu, got sick a few days ago. He was in extreme pain from a stomachache. He was taken to the BHU (Benares Hindu University) emergency ward immediately. Doctors checked him and said that he had some serious problem. Prabhu wanted to be admitted to the hospital but doctors there did not want to admit him. They said that there was no empty bed in the emergency ward. They told Prabhu’s parents to go upstairs and see if there was any bed available in the general ward. Prabhu’s family went to the general ward and found that the general ward also did not have any empty bed.

Prabhu was in extreme pain and he was crying but doctors did not want to see him. Finally Prabhu’s family decided to take him to some other hospital. They took him to a hospital called Mata Anandmayi Hospital, Bhadaini but same thing was there also- no bed. Prabhu was still crying and now he almost fainted. They took him again to BHU but the doctors were showing strange behavior. Now they did not want to talk to Prabhu’s family. Prabhu’s father even touched the feet of the doctors requesting them to treat Prabhu but these crazy doctors were telling the same thing again and again that there was no seat available in the hospital.

They asked the doctors to at least start the medication but they did not want to do this either. It seemed like they just did not want to see Prabhu. They again took him to Mata Anandmayi Hospital but again the same thing- this hospital still did not have a seat. They did not want to go to some other hospital because these two hospitals were government hospitals and were cheap. They were more looking for BHU because it was big and it had lots of advanced facilities. They again went to BHU and this time the doctor just threw Prabhu’s papers and told them to get out of hospital and do not come again.

Prabhu’s pain had started in the early morning and it was evening time now but still he could not get any medication. Prabhu’s parents were so angry that they started yelling at the doctors and other employees of the hospital. Finally the doctors called the security guards and asked them to kick Prabhu’s family out of the hospital. Now Prabhu’s family did not know what to do. One of Prabhu’s friends knew the ex-president of the students union of BHU. He thought to call him and ask for help.

They called him and told him everything. The ex-president called the doctor and said that Prabhu was his relative and then this doctor said that Prabhu should have told them before about his relationship. Doctors said that they will arrange a bed for Prabhu. After the call of this president, the doctors arranged a bed for Prabhu. I don’t know where they brought this bed from. I think they already had a bed but they just did not want to admit Prabhu for whatever reason. Well, finally Prabhu was admitted to the hospital at 11 o’clock night time. �

They did all the testing and started medication. Prabhu was getting better now but then doctors said that they would operate on Prabhu. They said it would be better if this operation was done at PGI, Lucknow. Prabhu’s family brought Prabhu to PGI, Lucknow and again they had to face the same situation. PGI doctors also said that they did not have a bed. Prabhu’s brother knew some very famous Baba in Lucknow. He called this Baba and the Baba called to the hospital and after this call they said that they could arrange a bed for Prabhu.

He was admitted to the hospital for a few hours and then doctors came and checked him for a minute, looked at the old reports and said that he had colon cancer. They also said that they will have to operate on him but still they can not guarantee that he will be alive even for next ten days. They asked Prabhu’s family to immediately deposit Rs. 1,25,000 ($2,500). As Prabhu heard that doctors wanted to operate on him and they said said that they did know if Prabhu would be alive after the operation, Prabhu asked his parents to bring him back to Benares. He said that if he has to die then he would prefer dying in Benares.

This news spread in my neighborhood like a fire in the jungle. Everybody was so sad that Prabhu had cancer. We could not believe that he was going to die. Everybody was so sad. Prabhu came to Benares and I wanted to see him but I did not find myself brave enough to see him. There is a very famous cancer research center in Mumbai called TATA Memorial Center. I suggested Prabhu’s family to take him to TATA Memorial. I called my friend Alok in Mumbai and told him about the situation. I asked him to take an appointment with the TATA Memorial to talk about Prabhu.

I emailed him all Prabhu’s medical reports. Alok took the appointment for the same day and talked to the doctors and showed them all the reports, and TATA’s doctors said after looking at those reports nobody could say that the patient had cancer. They said that if the doctors at PGI had said that the patient had cancer after looking at those reports, then they were wrong. Alok called me and gave this beautiful news. I was so happy to hear that Prabhu did not have cancer. Prabhu was admitted at some private hospital now. I immediately went to see Prabhu and gave them this news.

Prabhu and his family, everyone started crying from happiness. Everybody was so happy. Doctors operated on him at that private hospital and now Prabhu is a lot better. He is back home now and feels normal. Doctors have connected a plastic tube to his intestine to discharge stool but doctors say that he will be alright and they will remove this plastic tube within the next six months. �Prabhu is now scared of BHU and never wants to go there again for any reason. Even though it is cheaper for him to get medication at BHU, he just doesn’t want to think about it.

My baby fell down from a chair and broke his head a few days ago. He was bleeding hard. We took him immediately to the BHU emergency ward. BHU has two registration counters. One opens during day time and other one, which is in the emergency ward, opens after the first one closes. The emergency ward registration counter is supposed to close at 8 o’clock. I had reached there around 7.15 and the counter was already closed which means at this time there was no registration going on anywhere in BHU, crazy. The doctor asked me to get a registration paper. I went to the registration counter and found it closed.�

I asked a few security guards sitting there about how to get a registration paper and they told me enter the room from the back-door. I got inside the room from back-door and saw two people counting the money. I asked him to make a registration paper for my baby but he seemed more busy with counting the money. At the same time another person who wanted to register his patient, opened the window and asked for a registration. The person sitting at the counter became angry at him and asked him very loudly how dare he to open the window. The person at the window said that it was emergency case and doctors had asked him to bring the registration paper and since the window was closed, where could he get it if he had not opened the window.

This made the clerk more angry and he hit his hand with the shutter of the window. Now his hand was stuck in the window and this crazy clerk was hitting his hand again and again. That person was in pain for sure. Finally the clerk closed the window and I don’t know what happened with the patient. Maybe they waited for the general registration counter to open or went to some other hospital. Then the clerk looked at me and asked why did I come inside his room. I was already angry after seeing his behavior so I was also speaking very loudly in Benares language, to make him aware that I was local, that doctor had sent me to get a registration paper.�

The clerk told the other person sitting there to make a registration paper for me. I went with the registration paper to the doctor and then the doctor made me write that I was the guardian of the baby, that baby had fallen down from the chair and that I would not go to the police in the future for this case. After this they started looking at my baby and asked me to buy nylon thread for stitching and some other medicines because they did not have anything. It was crazy that the emergency ward of BHU did not have nylon thread. I have heard that BHU employees sell the stuff that they get to use for patients.

I left the baby with my brother at the hospital and went out to get the medicines. After I came back with the thread and other medicines, the doctors asked me to wait because there was no doctor who could do stitching. It was 7.45 now and they asked me to wait for 15 more minutes. I waited for 15 minutes and then I again asked them if the doctor had come and they again told me to wait for few more minutes. My baby was still bleeding and crying but there was no doctor to do stitching in an emergency service center of a big hospital. After an hour few junior doctors (students) came. I asked them to look after the baby and they told me that they could not do it without permission of a senior doctor. They also asked me to wait for a little more time.

I did not know what to do. I was in a hospital but there was no doctor available. Finally after an hour and a half those junior doctors decided to start stitching. My baby’s medication was started after an hour and a half of reaching to the hospital. And this all happened in BHU which is one of the biggest hospitals of Uttar Pradesh. I am also so scared of BHU like Prabhu is and I have decided that I will never ever go back to BHU for any case. I got my baby’s stitches removed at some other hospital.

All the government hospitals are in the same condition- they do not care about the people. Their employees just care about the money. BHU makes a huge amount of money. They host international conferences. People from all over the world come to BHU to do research but the reality is something different. I often hear people talking about the bad services of BHU hospital because they always make the same mistakes again and again. Most of the patients who come to BHU are poor people from out of Varanasi. It is really bad for us because health insurance is still not popular in India and most of the people do not have it. We can not go to any private hospitals because they are so expensive and these government services are awful. After this crazy experience anyone would be compelled to wonder if the hospitals are made to save the life or kill?

No computers, No English, No stock market, No harvesting machines…

The politics is at its top in India nowadays. All the political parties have released their manifesto for the coming election. Samajwadi Partyalso released its manifesto yesterday in Lucknow. The chief of Samajwadi Party, Mr. Mulayam Singh Yadav ,said yesterday that if they win the election and come in power then they will ban computers, English medium schools, stock market, harvesting machines, high salaries in the corporate sector… He believes that computers create unemployment, English is also not good, harvesting machines also create unemployment, high salaries paid by corporate sectors are also not good…

I think it would better to help Hindi and strengthen it, not to kill English. India is known as a global market for all sorts of things and we are better than China only because we speak better English than them and this Samajvadi Party wants to ban English in India. What would we do if English is stopped? Fewer and fewer people want to speak Hindi now and government is not doing anything for it. Our prime minister, president, chief of congress, and a lot of other politicians never speak any Hindi but Samajwadi Party never suggested to them to start speaking Hindi, at least when they address the nation.

The son of Mulayam Singh Yadav, Mr. Akhilesh Yadav also got his schooling from an English medium school. Mulayam Singh used to be a teacher at that time but he did not think about the importance of Hindi when he sent his son to English medium school but he wants to ban English medium schools for the general people of India. I think they should better introduce some law that talks about giving priority to Hindi but please don’t stop English. I wonder if Mulaym Singh Yadav was sleeping when Raj Thakare had targeted thousands of Hindi speaking people in Mumbai?

Hundreds of people were killed, kicked out of Maharastra, lost their jobs but Mulayam Singh Yadav never spoke against this crazy and cruel activities but now since elections have come up, he talks about the importance of Hindi. I am really sad the way Hindi is disappearing from India but it doesn’t mean that we should kick English out of India. We need both languages but Hindi should be given priority at least when we talk to Indians. Mulayam Singh Yadav wants to ban computers also which could be the craziest thing to talk about. In the 21st century when the whole world wants to implement as many computers as possible in the system, our politicians want to ban them.

Didn’t Mulayam Singh think about how his manifesto was printed? I am sure this manifesto was printed by computers. India makes a huge amount of money from the computers; we are a global computer and IT market and Mulayam Singh wants to ban this business. I think they should better try to stop corruption not computers. When Mulaym Singh Yadav was ruling Uttar Pradesh last time, his government had created thousands of new jobs in the police force. His party lost the next elections and new party led by Mayawati came in power.

She constituted a committee to audit those police jobs and found that all the jobs were given after taking bribes. She terminated all 18,000 policemen and the case is still pending in Supreme Court of India. I think computers help decrease the corruption and Mulayam Singh Yadav wants to ban them so that when he rules Uttar Pradesh next time and recruits new policemen by taking bribes, nobody can find any evidence against him. This is very smart decision, I think, which will help Mulayam Singh in the future but what about India?

Mulayam Singh Yadav doesn’t like stock market either. I can think of only one reason behind it which is all the politicians are supposed to declare their assets before filing their candidature-shipin the elections. If they invest in the Indian stock market, they will have to declare this investment also because this share trading is maintained on computers and is very tough to hide. Our criminal politicians, government officers and other rich people have deposited $1500 billion in Swiss banks and their money is safe there, so they do not need to declare this money. So if there is no stock market in India, they can steal India’s money and deposit it in the Swiss banks and people would never know about it.

Samajwadi Party talks about stopping harvesting machines. They do not like them because they think that these machines create unemployment. I wonder where the Samajwadi Party was when their supporting party Congress gave a contract to American companies to bring their machines to destroy Setusamundram bridge? Isn’t is crazy? They want to bring the machines to destroy an icon of Hindu culture? Each and every Hindu has respect for this bridge and the government wanted to destroy it. Mulayam Singh Yadav did not talk about this issue but he talks about the harvesting machines.

Our politicians don’t even think about what they are saying. They just need the vote and they can do anything to get it. This is their only motto, that’s all. Mulayam Singh Yadav has targeted poor, uneducated and innocent people of India as his vote bank. He is trying to say that computers, English, stock market and harvesting machines are responsible for their poverty. I think Mulayam Singh Yadav should better plan something to provide them good quality education, to do something to decrease corruption and to preserve our culture by preserving Hindi and Setusamundram bridge. “Vote ke liye sala kuch bhi karega. ..”

Kali temple, Kolkata

I experienced something really wild in Kolkata, maybe it was the wildest experience of my life. There is a Kali temple in Kolkata which is one the 52Shaktipeeths and is one of the most important temples for Hindus. According to Hindu mythology when Parvati died, Lord Shiva became so angry that he put her body over his shoulder and started doing Tandav. He also opened his third eye which started destroying the whole universe. All the gods were so concerned about it that they went to Vishnu to help stop Shiva’s Tandav.

Vishnu used his weapon to cut the body of Parvati into 52 different parts. The places where these body parts fell are called Shaktipeeths now. So the Kali temple of Kolkata is also one of those Shaktipeeths. I had heard a lot about this temple and was really excited to go there. I had a very busy schedule in Kolkata but I still took some time to go to this temple. I also asked Seranna to come with me and she also said that she wanted to visit some Hindu temple. Both of us were so excited for visit to this temple.

There is one very famous thing about this temple- the priests. I had heard that they are really thieves and looters. They usually target outsiders of Kolkata and I was a little bit concerned about it. I had already dealt with some other Hindu temples where priests were thieves so I thought that I would be able to deal with these also. I had already warned Seranna to not entertain anyone at the temple. At the time when we reached there, a bunch of people jumped at our taxi and were looking at us through the window.

I knew what they were waiting for. We got off the taxi and found ourselves surrounded by 5-10 people who were dressed like priests and wanted to take us to the temple. I told them that I did not want to go with them, but they did not want to hear anything. They just wanted to take us at any cost. They were telling that it was some very important day of the temple therefore there was too much of a rush in the temple. They were asking for Rs. 50 for each of us to take us inside the temple without facing the rush. I was pretending that I was not hearing.

I was looking for some policeman to ask him the way to the temple. And suddenly one of the priests came in front of me and showed me an alley and said that the temple was inside that alley. I could easily see other people going straight, not towards the alley he was mentioning but he kept telling me that the temple was in that alley. After I did not entertain him, his voice turned loud and it seemed like he was getting angry now and he started yelling at me. He just wanted me to go with him but I had already decided that I would not go with him.

I usually look for police at these kinds of places and it always works. He held my hand and wanted to take me forcibly to that temple. Now it was enough, and enough was enough, I also turned loud and I turned kind of rude with him. By this time I could see a few policemen. I went to them and asked the way to the temple and they told me that I was on the right way to the temple. Those priests wanted to take me to some wrong place for whatever reasons. I wonder what would have happened if I would have gone with them.

Somehow I reached the temple after dealing with all those crazy priests. Now again I was surrounded by some priests who were asking for Rs. 20. I had decided that I would go to the temple on my own but after watching thousands of people lined up, I gave up and decided to hire one of those priests. I had chosen a fifteen-year old guy because I thought he was a new player in the business and must not be as big of a looter as the others. He was nice at first, took me through some secret gates and finally I was in front of the statue within three minutes.

And here wild things started. The priests standing near the statue were real looters. The whole atmosphere was wild there. There were too many people pushing each other, and shouting. It was very noisy out there, the priests were shouting, kicking people out who did not want to pay and take in new people who seemed rich to them. Seranna had fell down from a wall 5 feet high while coming to the statue place. She was also in pain. The whole atmosphere was wild. The priests were shouting at me. They wanted me to give them whatever I had.

I gave them Rs. 20 but they wanted more. I just wanted to get out of there but they were not letting me go out. More and more people were trying to come in but a few other priests were pushing them out, shouting… oh my God. I had never experienced such a thing before. I lost my mind, I did not know what was going on. One of the priests was trying to take my walletout of my pocket, one of them was holding my hand, he was shouting at other people at the same time… it was crazy. I gave him Rs. 50 but still he was not happy. He wanted more and more.

Finally I had to borrow some money from Seranna. I don’t remember how much money I gave him but when I came out and checked my walletI found that I had nothing left in my pocket and Seranna had also lost something like Rs. 200-300. Right after I got out of the statue building, I was still inside the temple premises, and I saw people lined-up and all of them had goats. I was shocked and then the priest helping us explained that these people were waiting for their turn to sacrifice an animal. I knew that Kali temple of Kolkata is one of the very few temples of India where animals are sacrificed but I did not know that that much of people do it. A lot peoplebelieve that Goddess Kali becomes happy if you sacrifice a goat in her temple.

There was a priest who was slaughtering the animal. I saw many people washing their goats, putting flowers on them, offering them food, showing incense, repeating mantras for them and finally bringing their animals to the priest who slaughters animals. After the animal is slaughtered, they would bring the body to the other priest who was supposed to cut the meat into small pieces and then finally this meat is distributed as a blessing to other people. I saw many people who were going to the temple with a goat and they were playing drums also.

I talked about this animal sacrificing to some priests in Benares and they said that according to Hindu mythology there was a demon named Rakhtbeej ( Rakht means blood and beej means seed) which means his blood would work as a seed. He had a boon that if his blood ever touched the ground, it would grow a new body of that demon. He started taking benefit of this boon by killing people, doing anti-religious activities and doing all sorts of bad work. Finally Goddess Durga had to come to the earth in the form of Kali to kill this demon. But the problem was that as Durga would cut off his neck, a new fresh body of this demon would appear because his blood would fall on the ground and create a new body.

So he would get new body every time Goddess Durga tried to kill him.Finally Goddess Kali (incarnation of Durga) cut off his neck and collected all his blood in a pot and drank it. She did not even let a drop of blood reach the ground and this is how she was able to kill this demon. Priests told me that since most of the Kali photos show Kali killing this demon and drinking his blood, and she has body parts wrapped around her body, a lot of people think that she likes the blood which is not true according the priests I talked to. Priests said that these body parts are of the demons, not of some innocent people or some innocent animal. They said that she had to drink the blood only because she wanted to kill this demon, not because she likes the blood.

They said that it is the most important reason behind this belief of the people that Kali likes the blood and it makes them sacrifice an animal sometimes when they pray to Kali. I don’t know to what extent this reason could be true but it made sense to me. I talked to my friends also about the animal sacrifice in the Kali temples just to get the idea of how strong this belief is and they said that if you have any wish and if you sacrifice an animal in the Kali temple, then your wish would come true for sure. There would be no onein this whole world who could stop your wish from coming true.

They gave me the example of the ex-captain of Indian cricket team who was kicked out of the team because of internal politics in the team. He tried everything for almost two years to get back in the team. He performed very well in the domestic cricket but he was still not selected. Finally he went to the Kali temple and sacrificed an animal and within the next fifteen days he was selected back in the team and this time his performance was also better than the previous times. This shows that idea of sacrificing a animal is very strong in people who have belief in it.

According to the Hindu mythology offering a coconut and breaking it in the temple is also a sacrifice which what I usually do. Once I was reading a Tantra book that said that in ancient times mixture of a certain kind of lentils and curd was called mans which literally means “meat” in present Hindi. And this book says that in ancient times it was a very good thing to offer meat to the God and Goddess but now people think that thismans means meat and they sacrifice animals in the temples or use animal meat for the rituals. Whatever the reason maybe behind sacrificing animals for rituals or making the wish come true, a lot of people do not believe in it and personally for me, I would like to sacrifice a coconut better than a animal.

After watching animal sacrificing, and facing all the looter priests I was completely out of sense now. I was not able to even talk. I had helped Seranna coming inside the temple but now I was not able to even move. Seranna held my hand and took me out of that temple. I went outside, sat somewhere for twenty-thirty minutes and when I got my sense back, I just wanted to run out of there. I knew that there was a Mother Teresa home somewhere nearby. I asked a police about it and found that mother Teresa home was just the next building to the temple. I immediately moved to that home and sat there for a while.

It was something very nice. Mother T’s organization does awesome work all over the world. I love their work. I was just sitting there, watching the real social work and was trying to forget what I had seen earlier. After spending some time there, I was the able to move and talk properly. I just left that place and did not even look again at the temple. People say that priests of this temple have done only one good thing in their whole lives that they donated some land to the Mother T’s organization. In fact the land to open thier branch in Kolkata was donated to Mother Teresa by the priests of Kali temple.

I still have high respect for the Hindu philosophy and feelings of the people but I did not like the way I was treated by the priests. The thing that disturbed me most were the looter priests. They were crazy and jungly people. I again got an opportunity to visit that temple after few days with the camera crew and I went to the temple but I did not find myself brave enough to go inside the temple again. I stayed out of the temple premises and did not go inside. I have been to several temples where priests try to loot visitors but I had never been to such a temple like this one. I was so shamed to bring Seranna with me. She said that religion is the same everywhere- the religion loots people-which is not true, but I had no answer because of the incident which happened with both of us.

Protecting Hindu temples in Varanasi

A temple barricaded by bamboos

There is a Muslim’s festival tomorrow called Muharram . Right before a night of this festival Muslims do a parade in the night starting from different mosques in the city where most of the male Muslims run on the road and beat their chest. By beating their chest they show their sadness. They say that right before one night of this festival, one of their Gods had died. I always watch this parade and enjoy it as I have very much respect for their feelings, festival, culture and religion. All the parades have a horse which is completely decorated by flowers. People take these flowers as blessings. I also take one flower every year.

This year I noticed something very strange. Yesterday I saw some municipality workers covering all the Hindu temples on road by bamboos in my neighborhood. I did not understand why they were doing it. I asked them and they said that since it was the parade that night they wanted to make all the temples secured. I did not understand why Hindu temples are not secured on the parade night and they said that Muslims can harm Hindu temples. I had heard about it but never thought that it was true. I have seen their parade and to be honest they really look like in violent mood.

There are always a lot of Police, Rapid Action Force and other security guards for their parade. I have heard that they used to kill people while the parade. I don’t know if it is true or not but after watching the barriers around Hindu temple, it makes me think like maybe the things I had heard about this festival was true. Varanasi is famous for its Ganga-Jamuni culture. Ganga represents Hindus and Jamuna represents Muslims in this expression. It is said that Hindus and Muslims are very friendly in Varanasi but is it the kind of friendship we have? I am sure that Ganga-Jamuni culture doesn’t exist anymore. We had big tension after Babri mosque was destroyed in Ayodhya and that tension is still there, maybe it is hided but it is still there.

Poor Durga

Another temple barricaded by bamboos at Assi crossing

It is not an big issue for me to see the God in prison, after all Krishna was also born in prison, but it doesn’t look good to make an effort to save the temples. How is it possible that the government or the people are afraid that the temples will be destroyed? It is India where more than eighty percent of the population is Hindu and we have to make an effort to save our culture? Its not something that needs to be taken care of. It is only the impact of Indian government making Muslims feel powerful than Hindus in India only for the vote bank. Now Muslims feel so powerful and think that they can do anything, even destroy temples.

Last year on the 6th of December, the anniversary of demolish of Babri mosque, all the Muslims had closed their shops in Varanasi to protest. They did sitting in front of city office demanding Indian government to built the mosque again. Even though they also know that there was a temple before mosque but still they want to get the mosque back. A group of Muslims protested in front of Indian parliament in Delhi putting the same demand- built the mosque. This case is pending in supreme court of India for the last fifteen years and I don’t think that it will be ever solved because Indian government doesn’t want to hurt Muslims. I think they must built either the temple or the mosque as soon as possible. But please do not keep this case in Supreme court anymore.

People often get violent against each other. I remember once about seven-eight years ago when Muslims had murdered a Hindu guy. They were protesting against something and had blocked the road. A Hindu guy was coming back to home from work and Muslims stopped him and murdered him on the main road. This guy was newly married. His wife was so unlucky because she will have to live as a widow maybe for her whole life. I don’t know what to say about these things but it is very painful to see people fighting for religion. And I am sure that these kinds of issue could never ever be solved.

Poor Shiva

3rd temple barricaded by bamboos near Assi crossing

People say that the tension between Hindus and Muslims is because of religion, but I don’t believe it. I think our government is completely responsible it. Our government educates people for not doing any kind of discrimination between boys and girls but the same government is doing discrimination between Hindus and Muslims which is a big issue for every India whether they are Hindus or Muslims. Muslims are given subsidy when they make a pilgrimage to Makka but why not Hindus are given help of a single rupee when they make any pilgrimage? Why Muslims are considered as a minority group and given special facilities in few states when Hindus are not considered as a minority in Jammu and Kashmir?

This kind of discrimination always creates tension in any kind of society. I believe that it is always good to talk about similarity because if we talk about similarity between two people then it makes them feel like there is something common between them and it brings them closer but our government always talks about differences and promote people who can talk about differences. There is a Indian guy named Mr. Zakir Nayak. I think he is dangerous than a terrorist. I believe that human tongue could be more dangerous than a nuclear bomb if it is used properly and Mr. Nayak knows how to use the tongue.

He has amazing knowledge of all the religions and he organizes religious lectures and talks about differences between Islam and other religions. I have heard his conferences on TV and I see how he invites religious leaders of different religion and talks them about the differences. Most of the listeners in the conference, maybe more than 99%, are usually Muslims and they all like to hear him and clap after he proves that Islam is greater than other religions. I see him as Laden of India. There is only one difference between Laden and Mr. Nayak which is Laden works by guns and he works by tongue. He still organizes conferences and making people violent which will blast like a nuclear bomb someday.

Indian government seems okay to put the God in prison but they don’t like putting the terrorists like Zakir Nayak and a lot of other religious leaders, who make people fight for religion, in jail. I am not sad to see the temples in barriers but I am not happy either. It should not be done. It makes me feel like our government is afraid of Muslims and Muslims feel like they can do anything, even hurt others feelings and culture. I can bet that this problem will never ever be solved until there is any kind of discrimination between Hindus and Muslims and I am sure about one thing that this discrimination is not going to end soon. I used to see the god in prison only once in a year, on Krishna’s birthday when people and temples organize play of Krishna’s birthday but now I will see it twice a year. No problem. But I am not happy.

Nisha in Pain

Nisha is my neighbor. She moved into my neighborhood about four years ago when she married one of my friend’s brother. She is my wife’s friend also. My wife says that her life before marriage was always painful. Her parents were so poor. One of her cousins used to help her family. He was a government employee. But he was not helping Nisha’s family because of their being his cousin’s family but because he wanted to molest Nisha. He used to make physical relations with Nisha forcibly saying that if she would resist it, he would stop helping her family.

Nisha never wanted to go with her cousin but he would come and harass her in front of her friends. She would just weep and could not do anything accept let her cousin do what he wanted. It continued for several years before her marriage, and even after marriage whenever she visited her family. Her cousin now tells her that if she doesn’t make relations with him, he will inform her husband about their relations. She still goes to her sometimes only because she is scared of her husband coming to know about her relations with her cousin.

The above story was told by my wife but I know what happened to her after marriage because she is my neighbor and my friend’s sister-in-law. Right after her marriage she was under huge pressure for dowry. Her husband would beat her nd tell her to bring some money from her family but her parents were so poor so obviously she would accept to be beaten but not ask her parents to give her husband money. Her mother-in-law would not let her husband sleep with her. They slept in different rooms until Nisha’s mother-in-law died.

She would cook the food for the whole family, clean the clothes, clean the home, and get beaten. This was her whole life. She could not even sleep with her husband. Finally she became mentally disturbed. But her husband did not take care of this family. He sent Nisha to her family. Nisha again stayed with her parents for six-seven months, until she became normal again, and during the same time she was again abused by her cousin. Finally she was okay and came back to her husband’s family but this was not end of her problems. She was beaten continuously and was told to bring some money from her parents.

Finally one of her problems ended when her mother in law died but it was beginning of another problem. Now her sister in law got involved in her life. Now she started behaving like Nisha’s mother-in-law. But she did not stop her from sleeping with her husband. Now Nisha gave birth to a male baby. I am sure it was a big help for her. If she had given birth to a female baby, it could have been a huge problem for her.

Her devil husband would have not liked having a female baby, or maybe she went under ultrasound before giving birth to check the sex of the baby. I can believe it because her family seems like they can do anything horrible. Now Nisha’s son is one year old but the problem is that her sister in law doesn’t want her baby to be with her. Her other sister in law keeps the baby busy with her so that he could forget his mother. She always keeps the baby and plays with him, feeds him etc…

Nisha wants to see her baby but she can’t even see him because her husband and sister-in-law won’t let the baby go to his mother. About seven months ago, when the baby was only five months old, Nisha’s husband sent the baby to his other sister in Delhi. The baby still used to breastfeed from his mother but when feeding was immediately stopped, it created tremendous pain in Nisha’s breasts. She was crying in pain loudly because her breasts were full of milk. She wanted her baby to feed from her, but the baby was sent to Delhi. Her husband was not at home this time. Finally neighbors heard her crying and took her to the hospital.

She was fainted by the time she reached the hospital. The Doctor told her to breast-feed immediately. The Doctor said that she would die if her baby doesn’t come and feeds from the mother. Now neighbors called her husband expecting that he would do something. But her husband started beating her in the hospital. The doctor wanted Nisha to be admitted to the hospital so that they could take the milk out of her breast but her husband did not want it. He called his sister who had the baby now.

She also started abusing Nisha. She said why don’t you tell the doctor to stop the milk forever. Nisha’s husband told the doctor to stop the milk. Finally the doctor did something and stopped the milk. Nisha was still in tremendous pain. The doctor kept telling Nisha’s husband to admit Nisha in the hospital for few days but he did not do it. He brought Nisha back home and and started beating her. She was locked up in the room for a few days. She was not even given medicines. She would just cry and cry and nothing else.

Nisha’s husband and sister in laws want the baby to forget his mother so that they can keep the baby and kick Nisha out of the family. That’s why theytortureNisha so that either she will leave the home on her own or die or whatever. But now Nisha has no hope. She can not even go to her parents. They are so poor. Neighbors want to do something against Nisha’s husband but when they ask Nisha about it, she forbids them because she thinks if neighbors take any action against her husband, she will be killed by her sister in law and other family members.

I don’t know what will happen with Nisha but definitely something needs to happen. It is all the impact of our cultural problems where males are given more importance than the females. In Hinduism females are always given more respect than males but I don’t know when it was changed. Prepubescentgirls are prayed to in some rituals. We have the concept of giving high respect to the females but I don’t know who changed it and when. People say that India is developing but what kind of development is this where females don’t have equal rights? Is only male India developing?

We have the most number of professional girls in the whole world which is a very good example for us and it is all the impact of the last twenty years since India has started developing. Our girls have the guts to climb to the top within only twenty years. Isn’t it amazing? Why not promote them? But the reality is something different. In few states like Hariyan, UP, Bihar… the female sex ratio is still decreasing. I hope to see the change but I don’t know when I will actually see it, maybe not in my lifetime.