Widows in Vrindavan

I worked again with Irene who was doing her M.A. from Ca’Foscari University of Venice and her research topic was Hindu widows. I had already worked with her in October 2009 in Benares but this time she wanted to visit Vrindavan because she had heard a lot about Bengali widows living in Vrindavan and how important this city is for Hindu widows. I contacted my friend Yashu who lives in Vrindavan and asked him to help as I also did not know much about Vrindavan. He promised to help me and in fact he arranged everything- hotel, food and many interviews also.

Irene had already heard about Bhajan Ashrams (ashrams where chantings are organized) working in Vrindavan and she wanted to visit them and see if it was possible to interview women there. I had also heard about widows working at Bhajan Ashrams before but I had no about idea of how big and how many Bhajan Ashrams were there in Vrindavan. I think there was at least one ashram in each alley and few of them were really huge, having three-four thousand widows under the same roof.

These bhajan ashrams are run by rich religious people. They give Rs. 2 and a little bit of rice and a little bit of lentils to each widow chanting for three hours. They have two to three shifts of work. The first shift start around 8 o’clock in the morning whereas the last shift of work ends around 6 o’clock in the evening. Not just any widow can enter in any bhajan ashram and start chanting and then get some money. They have to get registered with the ashram first and then their timing is decided and only then they can work.

There are thousands of widows living in Vrindavan and most of them, over 90% come from Bengal and do not speak any Hindi. Some of them live in a government widow ashram, some of them stay at private ashrams, some of them have rented a room and  some just sleep somewhere on the road or along the river Yamuna. Over 95% of the widows living in Vrindavan make their living from working at bhajan ashrams and begging. All of these women go to bhajan ashrams in the day time and then beg in evening and morning time when there are more pilgrims going to the temples.

Vrindavan is also called city of temples, there are around 5,000 temples in Vrindavan and this city is considered as a holy place amongst Hindus so hundreds of thousands of people visit the city every year. And since people visit the city for religious purpose, people donate a lot of things which makes Vrindavan a good place for begging. It was very sad to see the number of beggers in Vrindavan. I think most of the widows living in Vrindavan are involved in begging.

We asked them why did they chose Vrindavan only and why not some other place like Varanasi or Haridwar as they are also sacred cities for Hindus. Most of them said that since Vrindavan is very popular amongst Bengalis, most of the Bengali widows come to Vrindavan. We asked them why Vrindavan is popular and most of them did not know the reason behind it but one lady who was not a widow told us a very interesting story about why Vrindavan is popular amongst Bengali people.

She told us a story of two brothers who used to work as a cashier at some king’s palace. Once they were working at the king’s palace and while working they ordered a glass of water with sugar but by mistake the servant mixed salt instead of sugar and gave the drink to those two brothers. They drank it and did not realize that there was salt instead of sugar because they were too busy with their work. But later when the servant realized that he had made this mistake by giving salty drink instead of sugar, he went to those two brothers to say sorry.

He told those two brothers that they he had mixed salt instead of sugar in their water but those two brothers did not believe it. The servant told them again the same thing and then these brothers asked the servant that if he had mixed salt instead of sugar then how come they did not feel it while drinking it. And the servant answered that since they were too much busy in their work, they did not realize whether there was sugar or salt in the water. Both brothers were shocked to hear this and this feeling changed their whole lives.

They thought if they would have worked with the same honesty to find the God, the way they had been working for the king, they could have found God. This was the moment when they decided to leave the materialistic life and devote themselves completely to the God. They left their job and came to Vrindavan, which used to be a jungle those days, to meditate and devote themselves completely to the God. They became so popular amongst people that the king of India decided to meet them. When the king came to see these brothers, they were sitting on a ghat along Yamuna river and meditating.

The king told to one of the brothers that he was so happy with their devotion to the God that he wanted to do something for them. He offered any kind of help or money they wanted. These brothers asked the king to get the broken stones repaired at the ghat. The king started laughing and went to see the ghat. But when he arrived there he found that this whole ghat was made of precious stones. These stones were so expensive that they were not available even in the palace of the king. At that moment he realized the supernatural powers of those brothers and immediately went back to them and said that he had realized his mistake of offering just anything.

He said that he was unable to give them what they already had but he still wanted to give something to them. He said to those brothers to that he would donate them all the land he could see from his eyes at once. One of the brothers stood up and looked around and finally all the land they could see from eyes by standing at one place was donated to them and this land is what we call Vrindavan now. So the people meant to say that the city Vrindavan was established by Bengalis and this is why it is so popular amongst Bengalis, very interesting story.

We could interview only ten women in a city where there were thousands of widows because most of these widows did not know any Hindi and I did not know their language. Anyways, we visited a government widow ashram also. There were two government run widow ashrams- one run by the central government and other one was run by the state government of UP. The ashram run by the central government seemed more organized than the state government one. It was new building with at least 500-600 rooms. There were about 2700 widows living in the same building.

We met a government employee there who was working as a helper. We asked for permission to take interviews and he seemed fine with it. He said that all the widows staying in the building come to him everyday in the morning time to get free grains which are provided to them by the government. He said that we could interview them when they come. We were just sitting there and I noticed a lady watching us from another building. She called me and started asking me why we were there and when I told her about Irene’s research she said that it was not allowed.  She asked us to go to the district magistrate and get permission from him.

It seemed really strange but we could not do anything. We did not understand why she was stopping us. Then we went to the biggest Bhajan ashram of Vrindavan but the same thing happened there as well; they did not allow us to talk with the widows there. Finally we reached to the state government run widow ashram and met the security guard of that building and explained the project to him. He was a really nice guy. He said that the officers were not at the ashram now and told us to complete the interview before she comes back.

I asked him why he was telling us to complete the interview before the officer arrives and he said that officers do not allow anyone to talk with widows living there. I asked why they don’t allow and he answered that since both of the officers working at the ashram were completely corrupt and eat the pension money which comes for the widows, they do not want others to know about it. I was really sad to hear this. He said that the government provides a monthly pension to the widows but these officers keep half of it for their enrichment and give only half to the widows.

He said that first of all they ask for Rs. 300 to all the widows just to get them their pension registration card and then they say that it takes about a year for pension to start when in fact registration is free and the pension is started within only a few days. He meant to say that the officers keep all of the first year pension money for themselves and then start pension from the second year and they give only half of it. We asked him how many widows were living at that ashram and he said about 300 which means these government officers steal Rs. 90,000 per month.

He said that they give a small percentage to other government officers also like the district magistrate and other people but most of the money goes to them. I was seriously shocked to hear all of these stories. I just could not believe how someone could take money of those poor women who work for only Rs. 2 and a little bit of grains everyday? Anyways, now I knew the reason why that other government officer at central government run widow ashram did not want us to interview women living there. It was very sad but this was the truth.

We realized that it was very difficult to interview the women living at ashrams so we decided to interview the women who live independently. We started visiting widows at their homes and started talking with women on the road or living in small ashrams. All of them had seriously sad stories. Most of them were married at a very early age and their husbands also died soon after the marriage. They were not allowed to study and finally they decided to leave  home and come to Vrindavan. Some of them left home because their children did not care about them.

We interview to a few Bengali women who said that they stay for about 11 months in Vrindavan, save some money and grains and then go back to visit their family and give all of their savings to their children. We noticed something really interesting- that idea of the reason of their widowhood is sin in their past life was not so popular amongst Bengalis whereas widows from North India had this strong belief that the reason of their widowhood in the present life is because of the sin they had done in their past lives.

Most of the North Indian people believe that the biggest discrimination with widows happens in the Bengal region but the Bengali woman whom we talked with said that they never felt discriminated. It was really strange to hear them saying this. I think that they do not see the discrimination; as a discrimination, they think that this is the way it should be. Anyways, we all know that widows are discriminated all over India, but the biggest discrimination is there in Bengal region.

We got to interview a few Hindi speaking non-Bengali women also. We asked them why did they choose Vrindavan and they said that since Vrindavan has a lot of Bhajan ashrams where at least Rs.2 with some grains is provided, it was a good option for them come to Vrindavan instead of dying at their place. It was a very interesting answer but I do not know to what extent it was true. We interviewed a few widow women who said that it is much better to stay at home and find a job rather than going to an ashram and living like a beggar. I liked this idea better.

We asked all the widows about the remarriage of widows and we noticed something really interesting that most of the widows who were close to 70 years old said that remarriages should happen but all the widows who were close to 40 or 50 said that remarriage of a widow a big sin. They believe that the God has given them punishment in the form of their widowhood life and they should respect it because if they do not respect it then they will go to hell and will become a widow again in their next life so it is much better to live like a widow in one life rather going to hell and becoming a widow again in the next life.

I think the reason behind older women believing in the idea of remarriages was they had already seen their whole lives and now they were alone and helpless so they they think that it is much better to remarry and have a family whereas young widows can take care of themselves hence they believe in living alone. Anyways, it is only my idea; I still do not understand what could be the reason behind it. After coming back from Vrindavan we decided to contact some religious person to ask him questions about what is there in Hindu sacred texts for widows.

We met a woman who had done her Ph.D. in Sanskrit and works as a katha speaker at several temples and ashrams in and out of Varanasi. We asked what could be the reason behind a woman becoming widow and she told us several interesting things about what is written about widows in Hindu sacred texts. She said according to Hindu texts if you try to disturb a couple or make them marry with someone else forcibly, this could also cause you lose your life partner in your next life. I asked her what if a man does it and she said that the rules are the same for men and women both so men can also be punished in the same way.

The second reason could be if you are married but you have relations with other people. There are two kinds of punishment for this sin- one is that when you go to the hell, you have to make relations with a burning iron body and the other is you could lose your life partner in your next life. She said that making relations while in the menstrual cycle could also be a reason of widowhood in next life. All of these reasons seemed genuine to me and made one thing clear that love marriages were accepted in Hinduism and there is a very hard punishment for not accepting it. I think the parents who do not want their children to marry with their girlfriend or boyfriend should think about it now, otherwise they could become a widow in their next life:)

After studying Hindu widows in Vrindavan and Varanasi, I have developed this impression that the widows who decided to stay with their family and find a job, even small, are much more happier than those widows who decide to stay at Ashrams or go begging. I do understand where did this idea of staying at ashrams and discriminating against widows came from, but the situation is very sad and corrupt government officers make the situation more sad. Again I see only one solution of this problem- education, education to women. I believe that if women are educated and have working skills, they can at least try to find a good job and live a better and happy life. But lets see when the government of India will become serious about education for women.

11 thoughts on “Widows in Vrindavan

  1. the female with the p.hd, she is the biggest discriminater against women. in all religon the supreme personality says be good do good live good we are all his childrens, and any parent with not want their kid to suffer unless you choose that way of life as the english saying theres always a light on the other end of the tunnel.the joys of life is to live and let live as the great mathama ghandi says you walk this world once so enjoy life and use this life to your fullest theres no time for excuses and time waits for no one. you have to evolve with time we are living in a new era and life has to go on. so to make life easy for your old age you have to find a suitable partner and marry. as swamiji dayanand saraswathi says in his book in his book of life. has king dasarat multiple wives so can a women according to hindu rites when a widow loses her husband she washes off the vermillion powder from her head after a period of mourning of a year she can remarry . looking at the social society of these ashrams they are holding women back from moving forward with there lives they are corrupt and want to live of these widows by recieving donations from the rich and charities. as much as the place is sacred god did not put you in this world to await for your death day neither repent for the loss of your husband each individual carries his or her own karma. the parent carries the karma of the child till it reaches puberty, thenafter the child carries his own karma for his next life with his tought and action never the less we reap what we sowed the previous life, we need to evolve as human beings once again you got to make the difference your individual self, we all will have a better life.

  2. I really wonder how it is possible when the Society is brain washing women and men to think that widows are bad luck and even richer widows can end up in the street because their family-in-law threw them out. And when Traditions founded on the Manu texts of compelling self immolation to widows, I find that hard to reconcile.
    I realize that karma can be an evil perception of this world as poverty or abuse are explained by it. That is utter nonsense.

    Isn’t G-d supposed to be merciful too? What kind of G-d has been made in India? I think the greater sinners are those who rejected their own mothers, sister-in-law, etc. Especially when it is done because of greed! For sure, they will have to answer to G-d for their discrimination. I advice you to watch the movie “Water.”
    You will notice that widows are forbidden to remarry. And beside the family will oppose it. It is also interesting to note that in Manu, widows were also supposed to be looked after either by their fathers, or sons at the death of their husband. Beside self-immolation is not practiced any longer. So, these families are gravely sinning.

  3. i am hiv +tive from pune maharashtra would like to spent my rest of my life in ashram in north india. am 30yrs. old would you help me

  4. Dear Rohit Ji,

    Why have you take such decision of spending rest of your life in a ashram? You are only 30 years old, you have your whole life left for you. As far as HIV is concerned, believe me it won’t affect you much if you take care of yourself by seeing a doctor on right interval and keep taking the prescribed medicines regularly. I work with HIV and AIDS patients here in Varanasi and my experience is that if someone takes the medicines properly and takes care of themselves by living a healthy life then they are also as happy and healthy as any other person living on the planet.
    Believe me and please forget about your decision of living in an ashram. Medicines are free and have really good result. Please go to your local NACO center and get medicines. These are local NACO centers in Pune: AFMC Pune, Bajaj Auto ITD YCMH Pimpri and B.J.Medical college are three authorized NACO centers where you can get tested and can get free medicines. Please let me know if need any help. And again, please forget about staying at an Ashram. We can and we will defeat HIV:) Be happy and live a healthy life.

  5. Corruption is everywhere. You will find a well established chain of corrupt people in every system. Nowadays money is everything and people are ready to go to any extent to earn money. Gone are those days when people do charitable works for their goodwill and social service.

    It is really disheartening that people like the district magistrate takes share from the pension of these poor widows. Highly literate people should understand the value of this little pension for these poor widows and help them get their right as soon as possible.

  6. Tanmay Ji,

    I was also shocked when I noticed the corruption at first. Corruption is corruption, doesn’t matter whether it is with a widow or anyone. But there should be a limit. It was really shocking for me to see that the people who already make millions of rupees per month, like a district magistrate, were dieing for Rs. 300 which is for a person who has no one in her life??? How come someone could be this cruel?? I don’t know what is the answer but if we become more aware then the situation might be different. Hope someday we get out of this hell of the corruption.

  7. Human suffering is unwanted is the basic philosophy of social worker. The social workers or case managers should be assigned to these widows so that they could be assisted to help with their emotional problems and issues of health, eligibility for receiving pensions, connecting with their family members, rehabilitation, v

  8. i wanna go to vrindavan..nd help those brave ladies in a best possible way i can..i wanna give them a warm hug,food,clothes etc….just wanna spend time with them….is there is anyone who can help me??

  9. I want to join an ashram because I find it difficult to live in the society after my divorce. Is there any ashram that would take me in for doing menial jobs? I do not mind living on basic needs and a shelter to stay in. But the way I hear bad things about me I feel it better to be dead or live away from all this… Please help me.

  10. Hi,
    I am currently working on a business idea that will help empower these widows. But before this idea can materialize I want to know more about their life. It would be of great help if you could share what you learnt there. Looking forward to your reply.

    Regards,
    Jayana Goal.

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